Rhino Ramblings

5 Rhinos

A Blog about 5 things that I either did, thought about or were and just a part of my life.  This is not in response to any directives other than my internal moral compass and writing compulsion.

Thing 1:  How are you?  Lately (like since Jan 20) “How are you?” is not simply being asked of me as a courtesy question to be responded to by “Fine”.   Oftentimes of late the question is coded in sympathy and concern.  For those of you have asked or wondered, thank you.  I understand and appreciate the reality this question poses in a time where most of the pillars of my life are being shaken.  This question in fact was my original plan for the entire blog – but I am still struggling for the answer – so do not have a blog long response yet.    Perhaps the best characterization is one of my favorite Pink Floyd lyrics: “I am comfortably numb”. At least on good days.  An example: I was so numb on my one week January golf vacation in Hilton Head that I never took the golf bag out of my car.  I can cite numerous other times when inaction and numbness is the defense mechanism I convert to.  On other days, I am more focused on the harm being done to others.  I am 67 years old.  I transitioned 30 years ago and am now seeing reversion back to the 90’s or worse. The young people searching for truth in themselves and their lives need to be supported.  Taking away the right to determine the best paths of life for ourselves and our children is a horrific imposition of one person’s or one group’s beliefs over all others.  So I ask of each of you worried about how I am doing to take that thought and energy and provide support whenever you can to anyone who is being made to feel “less than” by others.  I will survive – I am too old and too ornery not to.

Thing 2; Burn down the house.  On a lighter (pun sort of intended) note, I almost burned down my house.  A week or so ago a major windstorm knocked out electricity throughout the area.  At the time, I was cooking dinner and had ground beef in a frying pan and had started melting butter in another pan and was pre-heating the. Fortunately, it was still light out. I turned off the ground beef and put it away. I will not recount the full length of actions and phone calls, and status checks I did over the next few hours.  When it got dark, I packed an overnight bag and put my dog Argo in the car.  I was not sure if I would just get something to eat and return home or find a hotel that allowed dogs. I eventually decided to drive to the Eastern Shore and stay with my son’s family.  I proceeded to spend a long time in traffic to cross the Bay Bridge.  Eventually I made it to his house.  BG&E still had no estimates for getting the power back on.  So I got ready for bed and went through a mind checklist of “back home” Did you all catch, what up to that time I had not caught?  Oven was pre-heating so that was okay because it is electronic so would reset to off; burner for the ground beef was turned off and ground beef put away.  Burner for melting the butter – oops!  I did not turn that off. Clothes back on, hustle Argo to the car and drive back to the still dark home. I was correct – I had forgotten that burner.  And the electricity did turn on at 2:30 AM so lord only knows the alternative ending if I had not returned home.

Thing 3: Jury Duty.  I received jury duty summons for this week.  Fortunately, you can check the day ahead and I do not have to go in tomorrow.   While I do not mind the concept of serving, tomorrow was the one day I preferred being able to work instead.  Later in the week will be less disruptive. 

Thing 4:  Argo.  My 1 ¾ year old golden retriever certainly has her own personality.  She sort of likes to retrieve, but only a little and on her terms.  Anywhere from one to three ball throws in the backyard will result in a retrieval and then she just looks at me so I can get the ball, throw it high for her to catch and then head inside.  When inside, she will bring toys to be thrown and retrieved, except she knows exactly how far to stay away from my reach so I cannot actually grab the toy.  Her night time ritual is a belly rub, then upstairs and up on the bed.  She stays on the bed for about 30-45 minutes and then hops off and sleeps next to the bed. Recently, she is trying to stand on two legs and is actually pretty good at it.  She only poops on walks (unless circumstances make it extra lengthy between walks – and by extra lengthy I mean 12-24 hours). She will pee in the backyard and at doggie day care.  But she needs to be walking for the poops. And only when moving away from the house.  Never on the way home.  She is a joy but sometimes she is so her ownself.

Thing 5: Friends.  I had the pleasure of meeting up with an acquaintance for dinner.  When she and I were being seated the maître’ d asked if we were there for a special occasion and I blurted out, “just the special occasion of having dinner with a friend”.  And as I said it, I was almost giddy.  I went through a large portion of my life with minimal friendships that I would often undermine due to my “self-isolationist” policies and too many quirks to unravel here.  And yet, the friends have just kept knocking on my proverbial door.  Even while answering that door it has taken a long time for me to accept the idea that anyone would actively seek my friendship and would certainly not expect anyone to welcome my categorizing them as a friend.  When I made the “celebrating friends” comment, I will admit there was still a kernel of myself saying how presumptuous it was for me to say so.  But I was giddy because that kernel did not blossom and instead I felt comfortable in myself and my now friend to make that leap.  This all may sound silly or inconsequential to all of you who have thriving and healthy self-images.  For me it has been a recent and major journey that would fill a therapist’s notebook after innumerable sessions to unpack. So those are my 5 things.  I hope they suffice for you all to want me to keep my blogging job.