Rhino Ramblings

Wine-ocerous – toasting the new year

I managed to write 20 blogs in 2023.  I also gained new readers and hopefully that trend will continue.  I decided to end this year with some retrospection perhaps combined with a little introspection on what occurred in the past year.  I will reference all 20 blogs with pointers to provide new readers the option to cherry-pick old blogs to read and jog the memory of those who slogged through the blogs throughout the year already.

I unknowingly set the stage for 2023 with my first blog “Loss”.  I discussed three women I “lost” in 2022.  2 were lost forever and one retired.  My Mom’s death was more momentous than I would have expected (we were fully estranged for 30 years) with repercussions affecting my other familial relationships many thoughts on what was and what could have been. With her passing after a long illness, I also lost my mentor and friend Mary.  Not fully lost, but a loss nonetheless, my long-time deputy, collaborator and fiend, Darlene retired (well, sort of retired as she is now in the Private Industry).  Little could I have guessed that within a month I would be hit with inarguably the worst loss I have experienced– the sudden and unexpected death of my pet and my companion Midas: “Midas: A Tribute” This colored my world in dark, black depression for many months.  I re-emerged starting with a decision to bring a new puppy into my life.  Sooner than planned, Argo joined my family as described in “(Grand)Parenting” – and yes this was a duo topic – one about being a parent to Argo and a grandparent to my grandchildren, Quinn and Kevin.  I chronicled Argo’s effect on my life in “Walking the Dog”. Argo continues to grow – geez how she has grown – both in physical size and within my heart and life.  This even though she managed to chew the wiring and lights on my very expensive and still somewhat new (and now heading to the trash heap) artificial Christmas tree.  Aargh – puppies! Gotta love ‘em.

I was also helped out of my post-Midas funk with the highly monumental decision to break out of my self-created glass closet (a term I believe I have coined).  Briefly, I spent the past 30 years trying to ignore, leave behind or simply discard who I was and who I have become and now am.  I set the stage with “The Race is On” where I promised to fully and publicly embrace my transgender past, present and future if my number of blog readers met my goal of 50 (spoiler alert – I reached over 100).  They did and thus followed 3 key blogs: “Preparing the Journey” which is a synopsis of my history that included surgery in the mid-1990’s; my being one of the first Federal employees and the first at NASA to transition on the job; and co-leading two support groups – one in the DC suburbs and the other in inner Baltimore. I delved into the aforementioned glass closet in the appropriately named “The Glass Closet”.  If there is one blog I urge everyone to read to understand me and my journey, this is the one.  I stepped into the public light both with my blogs and seeking ways to support the LGBTQIA+ community at work and the world at large. I also decided to make essentially every other blog centered on my trans life and thoughts and the other half on more general, but still often very personal, musings.   With “A Prideful Month” I described Gay Pride Month activities including participating in the DC Pride Parade with the NASA HQ contingent. I initiated an autobiography in “A Primary Beginning”. I touched upon the job transition and my career at NASA in “Crossing Streams” As mentioned a few sentences ago, I co-lead two support groups and in doing so I wrote a monthly newsletter.  I have kept most if not all of them and am certain I will mine them for many blogs to come.  I started with “Personal Snapshots” in which I briefly shared some key events in my life.  My last blog of 2023 was “3 Priests and a Trans” where I pay tribute to three priests, two Catholic from my transition period and one Episcopalian who epitomizes caring and support for all. 

I indulged in several books and arts-based blogs.  One was a book review– “A Woke Awakening” about an influential book from the turn of the century (1800 to 1900 turn) – An Awakening by Kate Chopin.  While having nothing to do with LGBTQIA issues, it has been a part of my trans journey since I read it in the turn of the century (1900 to 2000 turn). The story follows an unconventional woman trying to find herself in a world in which conformity to society’s gender-based rules was the rule.  A quote I will repeat because it hit me so hard upon first reading: “I would give up the unessential; I would give up my money, I would give up my life for my children; but I wouldn’t give myself. I can’t make it more clear; it’s only something I am beginning to comprehend, which is revealing itself to me.” 

I started the year with a blog “And the Winner Is …” about how I create lists to read, listen and watch; and ended the year with “Joanne’s Book Corner” about three of those books.  I highly recommend two: Love by Amy Bloom and I’m Glad My Mom Died by Jennette McCurdy.  In “Not For You” I pondered how there are facets of arts and culture that may not speak to me and that is okay – not everything is for me. Rap and opera for example are not on my otherwise very diverse music genres list to listen to.  But, then again, I am not the audience they are written for.

While all of my blogs are personal in nature, some go deep into my psyche and my thoughts, concerns and opinions. In “Duality” I explored the dual presences in my life including a strong self-confidence that collides with deep self-doubt.  In “And Then There’s Me” I try to reconcile my self-concerns and problems versus the multitudes of people who face so much more daunting obstacles in their lives. And in “Introvertness (or Sickness)” I describe how a pretty scary illness (at one point I was sure I would need an ambulance) had the one positive(?) outcome of isolating me and thus indulging in my introvert nature.

To round out the blogs of the year, “Updates” described my blog and public outreach journey to better display my “blog brand” (say that ten times fast). 

So that was my 2023.

 Happy New Year to all.