Rhino Ramblings

Wine and priests seem to go together

3 Priests and 1 Trans

Quick “how I got here” summary: I was born and raised a Catholic (including 12 years of Catholic school).  Growing up I attended a fairly conservative church (Sacred Heart) – a priest from that parish will play a part here. I was fortunate to find a very liberal based experience at the RIT college-based parish (I will leave that story for a different blog).  After graduation, I found another liberal outpost (St. Nicholas) and priest (who I will write about here).  Upon transitioning, returning to that church was not an option so I went Church shopping (here again, more for another blog) and found the Episcopal Church in Laurel, MD (St. Philip’s) where two wonderful priests along the way were influential in my life and neither of which will make it into this blog (sorry, Sheila – I am saving my thanks to you for later episodes).  The third priest is the current one.  I am not going to spend time in this blog discussing my religious journey or why Episcopalism speaks more to me than Catholicism or, for those who think all Catholics are conservative, why that is a wrong generalization, or where I find myself in the spectrum of religious beliefs today (hints may however be in the About Me page).  This blog is how 3 people who happen to be priests played / play a role in my life through the trans world.

Let’s start with today (today being two weeks ago) and this blog’s motivating factor.  The current pastor is Father Robert Bunker.  Since I know he reads this blog I will avoid embarrassing him with overloaded praise, but it is safe to state that he brings an inquiring, supportive, and open and understanding persona that reflects the positive energy that the Episcopal Church exudes to me.  Anyway, exiting Church a few weeks ago, he asks if I have a minute to chat.  He told me about a parishioner whose child was (or had) transitioned.  He hoped it was okay to talk to me and if it was okay for him to talk to the mother and child (I use child but am uncertain of the age, so I do not want to imply a young person, but offspring just sounds impersonal). A year or two ago, I would have shrunk from the discussion, but I am now out of the Glass Closet (for those new to my blogs, this to me is a primary one to read) and ready, willing and able to support and discuss any and all aspects with any and all people.  Anyway, my point in telling this story is that his sharing reminded me of past priest interactions that exemplify openness and understanding not always associated (unfortunately) with priests.  I am not about to whitewash the many issues of religious figures of all faiths, but I personally have been blessed (to put a religious cap on it) to experience support in the past and current day.

Let’s go to the way back machine (for you youngsters out there, google Mr. Peabody).  Priest 1 is Fr. Donovan.  He was the pastor of St. Nicholas Catholic Church in Laurel, Md.  (side note – there are two Catholic Churches in Laurel – St. Nicholas was liberal and St. Mary of the Mills was conservative – I do not know if that is still the case).  It was my family’s Church and a wonderful experience in so many aspects.  Fr. Donovan was the core to that experience.  In the mid-90’s as I began the transition arc, I approached him early on.  He as so warm to me.  He was one of the first within the community of friends, family, co-workers, etc. to meet Joanne in full dress and make-up.  The empowerment he provided me to continue my journey was crucial in those early days searching for the right approach and actions.  There is much I could say about this wonderful man.  Unfortunately, he passed away far too early.  The world was a much better place with him in it. 

The third priest is a bit more complicated.  Fr. Reichart was a priest at my parent’s church in Reading, PA – the aforementioned Sacred Heart.  While I did not harbor any negative feelings toward him, having any interaction was an unknown with high risk.  As I mapped out how to approach my family concerning  my impending  transition, a key element was providing a support network for my family.  I was under no delusions that the news would be greeted with support.  Full ostracization was the most likely outcome.  This story is a snippet of the larger narrative.  In any case, one key action would be to inform their priest so that he could provide the support in what would be a difficult time.  Unlike with Fr. Donovan, I was not seeking support or acceptance for myself.  I did not care what Fr. Reichart’s opinion of me would be. I only wanted him to know as much as he was willing to hear and learn so when I notified my parents, he would have a foundation for guidance. I, on the other hand, expected negativity and non-support.  I made an appointment and in our first meeting I laid out the facts, feelings and plan.  I was met with full positivity.  We ended up meeting a couple more times.  With his permission, the last time I met as Joanne.  Near the end of the meeting, he asked to hug me and said “Joanne, you are the most unselfish person I have met.”  Wow. – this shook and still shakes me to the core.   I cry when I talk (or now as I write) about this moment.   If I had been asked ahead of time what could be his parting words, I would have predicted:  in a loud and accusatory voice: “Joe, you are the most selfish person I have met.”    I am as undeserving of the comment that I am unselfish as I am that I am brave (another blog needed to peel the brave statement).  Part of me understands why he usurped my expectations with such a positive, defining statement – I did strive to do all I could to be mindful of the effect my life transition was and would have on those closest to me.  But to have, and I cannot repeat this enough, my parent’s priest in a conservative parish, hug me and tell me how amazed he was at my unselfishness is truly and deeply thought-provoking and soul-searching.  He, unwittingly, set a high bar for me to meet.   As a postlogue, the plan of support I aimed for fell apart completely upon execution (you guessed it, a topic for a future blog). 

Let me end with one of the snaphots from my support group in the 90s that was left out of the Personal Snapshots blog:

People wondering if I’d want to be a priest – me wondering if I could be a nun.