Rhino Ramblings

(A pop-up blog)

Fuzzy Wuzzy Bear

First a note about the picture:  I have zillions (well maybe billions) of rhinos.  But I have two special bears.  This is Fuzzy Wuzzy (as in Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear; Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair; Fuzzy Wuzzy wasn’t very fuzzy was he?).  Since this is my first pop-up blog, I thought a change of pace was in order.  And Fuzzy, my only memento from my youth and who has been with me through almost all of my life, might serve as a reminder that even when I am dealing with the harsher parts of life, Fuzzy has survived and so can I. (my other special bear will eventually make an appearance)

So – how am I doing?  Due to a scheduled large meeting (700 of my closest Industry friends and many staff) and despite trying to avoid personal contact even more than usual, today’s national results forced me to answer that question many times today. “Fine” was not going to work.  For those I felt comfortable being real to,  I had to at least say, “not great”.  I will continue to avoid political discussion and specifically person-based political discussion in this blog.  But I cannot ignore the angst, anxiety, fear that I know many people are feeling today.  I feel sorrow for the country as a whole but such grief for the marginalized people – whether that marginalization is based on race, gender, sexuality, gender identity, immigration status, nationality (non-European), religion (non-Christian), or so many factors in each of our personal make-ups. 

I want to first express my personal support and caring for all who face uncertainties or any of the many emotions that I have heard expressed today.   I also want to let my all too kind readers know what my journey has been to this day and moving forward.  A year ago, I would have said that a day like today would be an ample reason to retire and move to a place that met my values (if one exists). Earlier this year I had an epiphany.  Retirement and moving away was not the response for me to make for myself.  I have a platform (albeit still pretty small) and a voice – this blog, speaking opportunities, and personal interactions.  If I  I was claiming I would run away and find a self-comforting place to hide away in that meets my values, and those values include support, caring, sharing, outrage for those who are harmed for who they are, etc.,  then I need to live those values here and now.  I do not know how much if any benefit my decision will be for others – although I do have enough of a self-believe that there is some positive benefit – I do know that I will have no benefit if I am not present, if I do not stay in my job that provides a platform and a support group for me and others, if I do not keep writing this blog, if I do not try to find time to participate in activities and groups within the LGBTQIA+ community and elsewhere. 

So How am I?  Sad, edge of depression, furious and outraged.  But also energized and forward-focused.  I cannot change what has happened.  But I can affect some minor portion of the world in I hope is a positive way.

I could not have made it to this point without all of those who have supported me personally, directly and also by reading this blog and letting me know what it means to you.  Thank you.