Rhino Ramblings

A Rhino Facial Mask

Restart (you all don’t know this but I already wrote half this blog and then realized … – well, let’s see what I realized). 

Life is such a weird thing to live through.  For butterflies that is a 2-6 week life – except for the lucky ones who last 9 months.  Some dogs have an amazing 9 years and then succumb in a sudden and unexpected way.  While I suspect there are animal psychologists who are trying to divine what those 9 years involve in terms of stress, anxiety, love, joy, pain, etc. (more doubtful mush is done for butterflies), without a language to communicate with and to, we can speculate but the chasm is rather difficult if not impossible to bridge.  With people, of course, there is a communication path.  The chasm of understanding seems to me (when I go simplistic in my thinking) tied to either a lack of communication from others or a lack of comprehension, perhaps as a self-defense mechanism, of the hows and whats and whens of issues others face.  Last night I had the privilege of my annual participation at The Children’s Inn at NIH Gala (think Ronald McDonald House – except at NIH).  Maybe sometime I’ll delve into some of the amazing and difficult stories.  Suffice it to say, there are children facing so many health issues along with their families who have to find the strength to support them.  And then there’s me.     Bottom line – there is great difficulty relating to the struggles of butterflies, dogs on the one hand, or other people, on the other.  In some cases, even while logically, sympathetically, or instinctually, it is clear that life can often be up to here (imagine my arm reaching up high while standing on the highest ladder) with complexities and issues for many if not most while down here (now I have reached down to the floor) for butterflies and a bit higher for dogs. And then there is me (putting my hand a little above a dog but nowhere near height of the families at places like The Children’s Inn or even most people I know).  I have friends, family, acquaintances, not to mention people I read or hear about (like at The Inn) who are facing or have faced so many obstacles – the medical (MS, Crohns and other diseases); the human loss  (medical, accidental, suicidal); the loss of pets, the uncertainty (job, family), the past (abuse, racism, sexism, discrimination), the present and future (more racism, discrimination, hatred, war and resulting displacement) ,the psychological (see past blog about anxiety)  …  and then there’s me.  I do not know if it makes me more egotistical (likely) or less; but when I sit back and contemplate what all others around me deal with, have dealt with and will deal with, I recognize “and then there’s me” should result in a self-realization of how fortunate I have been in life.  Sure I have had my issues and problems.  Certainly I can n part trace my current state of long-running contniuous (4 months plus, but who’s counting?) depression relates to a major personal loss with Midas’ passing and the repercussion’s and aloneness that it has left me with.  But I also continue to recognize the relativeness and inability to address scalability of “and then there’s me”.  I know, intellectually if not psychologically, that everyone around me has and is struggling with more than me.  And so do we (I assume that I am not unique so if I am struggling with my relative sense of self, then others are also) take in only so much of the difficulties and complexities of others to avoid being overwhelmed?  We do have to be aware of our own struggles.  It is best in the end to put them in perspective.  For some they are is up high on that tall ladder.  For many of us the struggles are much less overwhelming in perspective.  But for all of us, the issues we face are equally real.  I do not know where this leads to other than to note that I am in awe of others who deal with their life struggles and certainly want to be there for them in any way I can.  But also note that then there is me and, at least for now, I have no answer to questions like “How are you doing”.  “fine” gets stuck in my throat as meaningless; “Horrible” misses the context that the person asking is likely dealing with their own situation.  So lately I find few words to express what I am feeling or thinking. Top line (well I started with a bottom line, so I figure I should end on top), I am constantly amazed by those around me.  I have no real conception of the scale of difficulty of life everyone else deals with. And then there is me with my lesser issues and struggles which are nonetheless still of real consequence to me.  I guess my take-away is that even as I, and you, recognize the turmoils of those around us, we remain in touch with our own struggles, neither diminishing nor elevating “and then there’s me.

(Side note: If any of what I write is something you want to share, please know that I am more than happy to have others read what I have to say. I am happy if no-one reads what I write, since I write primarily for myself. But I am gratified by the few who are reading this blog and have no problem if others join in; whether they know me or not)