Rhino Ramblings

An anxious Rhino? Or just needing to be small, tucked in and self-contained

Note up top: This is a long one and very personal at times. I wrote it on three days ago with my mood at the time clearly showing. I have decided to not even do a single read-through and edit so the emotions and feelings that drove me to write this is not altered. So excuse any errors in wording, spelling, punctuation or even logical sentencing. This is the raw writing I start with and the first blog I have posted without any review.

As I have noted in prior blogs, deciding the topic is itself a journey.  It helps that I am not an anxious person nor do I suffer from clinical anxiety (likely the wrong term – I will use anxiety hereon, but I want to be clear that I mean the often debilitating condition that affects mental and physical well-being of those who deal with anxiety.  Similarly I will touch upon what I suspect I do deal with – clinical depression (here again – this may not be the right terminology and I will switch to simply depression the rest of the way) which is not to say I am depressed because for the most part I am often happy (just never satisfied – this is in part an inside joke for anyone who know my slogan is Often Happy, Never Satisfied). Now as I have hinted at I have no real medical knowledge on this subject, so please take all I say with a healthy dose of “she has no idea what she is talking about” attitude.  My main focus is on the subject I know least – anxiety.  The reason is that it, like depression, is met with a “just get over it” attitude.  Perhaps that is okay if you are anxious.  When the plane I was on over the Atlantic made a weird set of sounds and then the cabin electricity went out, I was a bit anxious.  Note some key points – there was one specific event; it had a potential for a bad ending; it caused me a brief moment of “I have not yet done my will” thinking (before you all start – that is fully on my to do list this year) and then it was over. In the past month or so (and in 3 cases in the past week) I witnessed instances of anxiety and in at least one TV instance, some of the unfortunate backlash.  One instance was on Dancing With the Stars (there is a whole blog waiting to be written about why I watch that show) where the one contestant suffers from anxiety and performed a contemporary dance that exuded the pain and difficulty that entails.  Halfway through I knew she was heading for a 10 and she did get 3 tens and one inexplicable 9.  Check it out – google “dwts anxiety contemporary dance”.  The second TV moment was on Amazing Race (with my travels, this one may take less to explain why I watch) where a daughter-father team was filmed with the daughter explaining her anxiety and the difficulties it caused in her ability to function when in a full scale anxiety event.  She could barely get through a challenge and made it clear that at that point all she could think about was going home.  Fortunately or unfortunately they came in second to last and were in the next day’s competition.  While her anxiety itself was not apparent on this second day, the toll both physically and mentally likely contributed to them coming in last.  During an interview she very bravely and correctly spoke out against the many comments she apparently received directly or indirectly that she should have just stopped complaining and run the race without complaint or “belly-aching” about her anxiety.  No – that is not the right way to react to someone who has an illness.  Just because it sounds like when you (if you do not suffer from anxiety) or I are anxious, it is not.  Briefly, I personally experienced people going through an anxiety event and the only real help I can and should give is to listen, be calm, support their decisions especially if they end up getting their own medical help as needed.  I can’t tell them to get over it, or that it is all okay, or any other platitude.  They are not anxious – I would have gotten over my couple of minutes of being anxious a little faster if they had quickly announced that everything was fine with the plane – and in fact I knew it was, because the seat belt sign did not turn on and the staff was going along as normal.  When anxious, I can take notice of outward and inward signs and indeed get over it.  But I get the sense that anxiety events require time, internal angst and struggle to right the ship internally and external support of support – not “do this”.  Briefly, I take some of this from a similar (maybe – here is where medical knowledge might prove useful and enlightening) issue – one of depression.  I have been a few times in a deep depressive state that truly incapacitated me and more often, such as the past few weeks, in a depression state that affects me but does not incapacitate me.  I will save details for a future blog (I know – I am adding up a lot of future blogs) but suffice it to say, telling me to be happy, or join in , or just look at how good my life is going, etc is not helpful.  So my point as stated above is – do not judge why or how a person has anxiety or depression or any other illness that we classify as mental (not quite accurate) illness.  You do not even have to understand it. Just be aware that there difficulties are theirs and they need support and not judgement.

Phew – Sorry for the length.  I would feel sad about how much I wrote, but I truly am happy, while also, unrelated, a tad depressed.